When talking about people leaving a church, I know that there are times when that is done for a good reason, be it to withdraw from grievous doctrinal error or to avoid being a divisive element. But my experience shows that this is rarely the case.
Here are some of the main things I’ve seen:
- People “change churches” to attend a church which offers a ministry their former congregation doesn’t. This often involves something offered for their children, maybe a Sunday School program or a youth ministry. As long as the change is done in love, I don’t see this as a bad thing. It can be taken to an extreme, however. Some people make a habit of this, changing congregations numerous times over the years.
- People leave because they don’t like the preacher. People are often drawn to a church because of the preacher and leave for the same reason. The excuse is often given “I’m not being fed.” Personally, I don’t have a lot of respect for this one. Again, there can be extreme cases, but more often than not, this is a reflection of spiritual immaturity. It’s also a sign that we’ve placed way too much emphasis on the preacher.
- People leave because they don’t get their way. I guess power struggles are inherent in all human organizations. When we feel that our voice isn’t carrying the weight it should, we often look for a new area in which to voice our opinions.
- People leave because of sin in their own lives. This one is rarely admitted, but its more common than we might think. People have been found out or are afraid of being found out, so they go elsewhere. Congregations rarely communicate with one another about such cases, so the person is given a clean slate to work from. If the sin is being dealt with, that’s not bad. If this is merely part of hiding a sin, then the problem is obvious.
- People leave because their faith has grown cold. This is similar to the previous one, except that these people are running away from something good, something they used to be and aren’t willing to be anymore. They used to teach Bible class or lead singing or help with the youth, but have lost the spark and no longer want to be active. The easiest way to do that is to go somewhere where they don’t realize you once were more active than you are now.
Those are five of the more common reasons I can think of. Can you add to the list?
Tim,
Some people leave because they never develop personal relationships within a church. Often it’s their own fault. Sadly, sometimes they honestly did put forth effort, but the congregation is just that stand-off-ish toward them for whatever reason.
What do you think? Should a person stay in a congregation where no one will give them more than impersonal, arms-distance greetings?
–guy
Well the whole thing is based on an inadequate understanding of the church. If you can leave it, it’s not the church. Simple as that. The church is the Body of Christ. If you are a genuine member of Christ, how could you leave and why would you want to? Of course I understand what you are talking about because that was the understanding of church I grew up with. I saw many people leave the “church” for another “church” or simply to drop out. Then one day, I began to understand what the church was and actually found the church that is the church and to talk about leaving has become nonsensical to me. And what many people call “church” is simply not. Grace to you all my brothers. Press on to know the church. It’s what the Lord is building.
Well, Vern, that’s what happens when we make over-generalizations. You see, “church” exists on many levels. There is the universal church. And there is a congregation of that church, which, biblically speaking, can also be called “a church” (like in Philemon 2). So while I do agree that the Lord is building the church and that we can’t disassociate ourselves from His body, there is nothing inadequate about the understanding that one can leave one church for another one.
Grace and peace,
Tim Archer
Guy,
I again try to put myself in the setting of living in a town where there is only one place where I can worship with other believers. In such a setting, I think I would be pushed to tolerate much more than I do where living where I am.
Given the choice, would I stay? Probably not, unless I could see some evidence that I was doing some good in that congregation.
Grace and peace,
Tim Archer
Tim,
Enjoy reading your blog when I have time and wanted to contribute to this topic via a comment here.
I think you are being probably too judgmental and negative about ‘changing churches’. While I agree there are plenty of selfish, petty or unbiblical reasons to leave a church I think you are missing some of the better reasons.
You mention leaving because of not liking the preaching/preacher and that this is most often a case of spiritual immaturity. I can see this point, but must point out that this can also be a case of spiritual maturity. Can I give an example? Let’s say you were brought into the Kingdom of God in a fairly conservative, almost legalistic church family. As you grow in faith and knowledge you realize that the church you are a part of is not in grievous doctrinal error, but definitely has put the grace and freedom found in Christ as a very low priority. As you contend with your Brothers and Sisters about this point it becomes clear that your church family likes its viewpoint on matters of legalism vs. freedom and will not change the teaching or preaching. It would be a matter of spiritual maturity for you to seek a group that was more balanced.
Another point about the preaching/preachers is that skills and styles vary. Some preachers are frankly bad and they aren’t very effective. They soon find another line of work. Some, however, are borderline bad enough to be ineffective, but the leadership keeps them on.
Another good reason to leave a church is to help another church. If someone has the gift of teaching, preaching or leadership and is willing to share it with another group to help them become all that God intends for their congregation, that is a good thing. Maybe this is rare, but it can and does happen.
This leads me to the final point I want to make. Some churches are just not ‘on mission’ for God’s Kingdom. They may have started that way and may even have some contingent that would like to get back ‘on mission’, but it is a very difficult thing to steer a church back to being ‘on mission’ after is has suffered from ‘mission-drift’. Poor leadership is probably the root cause and complacency of the membership is also a significant contributor in churches that have forgotten their primary mission. They are not biblically in error or suffer from divisiveness, they simply fail to recognize or feel any purpose in God’s Kingdom. (I’m reminded of some of the seven churches in Asia from the book of Revelation.) The golden question is “Why do we exist as a church in God’s Kingdom?”. Perhaps if this can be answered it will reveal why people stay or leave.
Thanks for letting me contribute and I pray my comments are taken in the love and respect they are intended. I’m not attacking you or God’s church. Just wanted to share my perspective on these matters.
In Christ,
Allen
Allen,
Thanks for the input. And I’ll admit that I am probably being overly judgmental. As I said the other day, much of what I’ve been writing on this topic has been convicting me.
The point about leaving to help another church is well taken. I may do a post on positive reasons for leaving a church.
I appreciate your attempt to help this discussion stay in balance.
Grace and peace,
Tim Archer
Hey Tim, I appreciate your thoughts. I would add that sometimes people leave because the congregation changes. A new minister, new elders, or just the natural process of growing and adapting, and congregations change. Some people see their role change and refuse to accept it. This often fits with the “power struggle.” Oftentimes people want to “conserve” their congregation, their preacher, their religious experience.. when this becomes impossible they first try to force it, then they often leave for a place they think will provide it.
Hope you are doing well and that you all in West Texas are getting some rain.
Can I add one more point? I had always thought of the “one city = one congregation rule” as a biblical pattern and no other is acceptable. Of course we recognize that a city today is different from a city in the 1st century so perhaps there’s some freedom there we can explore. But just the other day my church started a study of Paul’s letter to the Romans. Paul didn’t write to any one church in that city – instead he wrote to “To all in Rome who are loved by God and called to be his holy people” (NIV). At the end of the letter which we assume was shared (there was cooperation among the recipients), he sends greetings and warm wishes to several individuals and groups including the church meeting in the home of Priscilla and Acquilla and a few of the other groups as ‘households’ or ‘brothers and sisters with them’. My conclusion is that there were a few house churches at the time of Paul’s writing and this was an acceptable model for Paul. Wish we had more in the Bible on this point.
Anyway, just more food for thought.
Blessings,
Allen
The bottom line is that each of us will be judged on what we have done with our life and faith. To be a part of a church that will allow you to grow in your gifting is a blessing not to be taken for granted. Many christians have not been sparked and just want to leave each week feeling good. It is our responsability to encourage and invite others to become involved and allow them the room to grow into their gifting.
Sincerly,
David
Sometime people live because 1) the congregation expects them to keep pouring new wine into old wineskins, and 2) because of the congregation poor theological paradigm, the congregation has no room for the believer to exercise their Spiritual gifts.
Imagine believing that God has anointed a believer with the Spiritual gifts of mercy and compassion. The said believer, who continues to grow in faith and discipleship to become more and more in the likeness of Christ, feels called to use these gifts to serve the poor. But because ministering to the poor disrupts the traditional paradigm of the congregation, the congregation consistently finds both spoken and unspoken ways to discourage and impede such ministry. Such scenario is more common than not.
I suppose a Christian could stay and try to bring about change but they must weigh the cost of whether it is worth the fight because to bring about change in such a situation, things will certainly get ugly before they get more gospeled.
Grace and Peace,
Rex
Those are good reasons as to why people leave congregations. Others I would ad are poor decisions by leaders – preachers, elders, deacons. Decisions are made oblivious to what the congregation thinks and then told that the decision has been made, live with it.
When we teach that we are to live a radical life in Christ, then see people behave like they see at work, in politics, or any other arena, then they see the hypocrisy and leave.
People leave because not everything is a salvation issue, in spite of what some think. But some believe that their opinion is equal in authority to scripture and cannot stand someone who disagrees with them. They then speak harshly and label people, misusing words. Self-satisfied, they really do not care if some leave because they do not love one another the way Jesus said we are to do.
Some of the reasons why people leave the congregations and change to another congregation, is because they are conflictive men, because if a christian is a worker man or lady, why change? If I am a troubled man, I will be the same wherever I be.
I preffer to work with new people, I think is better.
In Christian love,
Cuitlahuac C.
This is very true, Cuitlahuac. I have seen missionaries get excited when they begin a work in a new town and people come from different denominations to join them. As you said, troublemakers will be troublemakers; grumblers will be grumblers. If they come because they are dissatisfied where they are, they will often grow to be dissatisfied with you as well.
Grace and peace,
Tim Archer
Rex,
Your hypothetical believer wasn’t called to transform the congregation.
They were called to minister to the poor – that’s what they should do, rather than demanding that the congregation provide them a program in which to do it.
What chaos would erupt if congregations were required to come up with programs for everyone who feels called to do something?
Isn’t it both more missional and more practical for people who feel called towards a certain ministry to find places in their community where that ministry is already being carried out, and partner with them?
Nick,
I wasn’t speaking about a hypothetical believer asking the church to create a new program for some ministry. I was talking about a church that has placed an invisible box around the gospel so that there is no room for showing hospitality and love to the poor and subsequently, discourages and impedes those who do. Is that not something in which a church needs to repent and if not so, a valid reason for those whose faith (expressed in compassion and mercy to the poor) is being chained and imprisoned by immature faith to leave?
I left my local church 2 years ago. The long term problem was that church leadership was divided on the goals of running a church vs running a church-based nursery school. There was always a fight about which goal ruled the resources and responsibilities of the church. The day I left was when the church announced, in an email to all members, that the church was starting a homeless ministry by inviting all of the homeless people in the area to come to the church on Saturday morning to have a private shower in the church restroom. Then, the email went on to describe in lengthly detail how there were going to be armed deputies on duty, and homeless people WERE NOT going to be allowed to stay and MUST leave the church property IMMEDIATELY after the shower or they would be speaking to a sheriff’s deputy. The email included a .pdf file of the posters that were gong to be put up around the church warning the homeless about getting arrested if they lingered. I called the Pastor and he said there were two sides in the church, those that wanted to feed the homeless, and those that were afraid the nursery school business would be ruined by homeless people hanging out. So they went for a compromise. I said, “Pastor, I call on you and on the church committee in the name of Jesus to repent and withdraw this offensive email and ask God to forgive you for sending it out.” Then I sent a letter to the church committee and to the Pastor officially rescinding my membership that day, my reasoning being that I did not want myself in any way associated with a church with that kind of attitude. I haven’t been to church since (but I don’t blame my backsliding on the previous church). Footnote: My good friend Ralph Caputo, remained at the church and is doing great things there feeding the homeless. Last night I took him a small donation for a homeless helping project that his son has started from that same church. Soooooo, tho I feel quite confident that I did the right thing by leaving, I also think Ralph did the right thing by staying! The only “right” reasons to stay or leave a church…. is …. God’s will for your life.
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Rex,
I guess I need practical examples of how a church can impede someone’s expression of compassion and mercy towards the poor. Are they researching my expenditures? Tailing me on the way to the soup kitchen? Watching my house while I invite strangers in for a meal?
I have a hard time imagining that such behaviors are “more common than not.” Even the NI churches in my area don’t care how hospitable or compassionate you are towards strangers with *your own* time and money – it is the contribution that they won’t expend in those areas.