The Archer family likes jokes. Most Archer men have been blessed/cursed with a dry sense of humor that some people love and others can’t stand.

Growing up, there was a whole set of jokes that I heard told time and again. I’m not claiming that they are original with the Archers, just that they were popular at family gatherings. (Google shows that they are commonly found in the wild) For a while now, I’ve had the idea of writing them down and preserving them. Since this is my best writing and preserving outlet, I thought I’d publish a few of these on Fridays.

WARNING: Exposure to the following joke can cause extreme groaning.

THE COUNT’S TREASURE

Once upon a time, there was a rich and powerful count who lived in a far away land. His business dealings were shady, and his treatment of his subjects was shadier. Over time, he amassed a great fortune… and a great deal of resentment from those who lived in his realm.

Finally, the peasants could take it no more. With the complicity of the count’s own guards, they rose up against the evil count. They stormed his mansion and captured their tormentor. Seeking the return of their stolen goods, they pressured the despot to reveal the hiding place of his treasure. But the count refused.

They hauled him out to the public square and placed his head on the chopping block. “Tell us where the treasure is, and we’ll spare your life.” Still the count remained silent. They gave him a deadline, and the hour came and went. The executioner raised his ax, and the women in the crowd gasped in horror.

Finally, the count’s resolve failed. “Wait, I’ll tell you. The treasure is…”

But it was too late. The ax fell, and the count was gone, taking with him the secret of his treasure.

MORAL: Don’t hatchet your count before he chickens.