“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” (Ephesians 5:22-24) I said the other day that if men did needlepoint, this would be a popular piece put on the walls of our houses. And as I said yesterday, those that want to say that Paul was a woman-hater find strong evidence in these verses.
If they take them out of context.
In context, these verses tell a different story. We’ve already seen that Paul tells all Christians to submit to one another. Then he directs these words to women. But he doesn’t stop there, and neither should we or we’ll come away with a misconception. Look at what follows here in Ephesians 5: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” (Ephesians 5:25-33)
Husbands have to love their wives as Christ loved the church. In case someone doesn’t get the point, Paul specifies: Christ gave himself up for the church. Men ought to love wives as they love their own bodies. Husbands must love their wives as they love themselves. If you really think about what those statements mean, they transform our view of Paul’s previous words.
Husbands have to love their wives sacrificially. Christ died for the church to show his love; men need to strive for that kind of love. They have to put their wives’ interests ahead of their own. They have be willing to set aside what they want for what their wife wants. When a man lives that way, any woman would be willing to respect and submit to him. Why not? Why not submit to someone who is always going to try and do what is best for you, who is going to try and do what you want whenever he can? The problem comes when we ask women to submit to a selfish man, to a man who hasn’t dedicated himself to loving her sacrificially. That’s when the relationship becomes one-sided, that’s when submission becomes unfair.
Paul says it clearly there at the end, if we’re listening: “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” The respect comes after men have done what they are supposed to do. It only makes sense in that context. Out of that context, it’s outdated and chauvinistic. In context, it’s a beautiful way to run a relationship.