All red in the face

red-faced monkeyStepping out of theological discussions for the moment, I wanted to say a word for the red-faced among us. You know who you are. Or, should I say, who we are.

I’m a blusher. I turn red easily. For a variety of motives. Something that non-blushers don’t understand.

Turning red is frustrating enough. Having people ascribe motives to my redness is even more frustrating. Let me put it bluntly: you don’t know. Almost never.

Let me tell you why I turn red. The biggest motive for me is perceived conflict. When I have to say something that I know someone isn’t going to like, I turn red. It’s not embarrassment. It’s not anger. It’s not that I’m upset. It’s probably best described as mild anxiety.

From there, I’d say that turning red comes from self-consciousness. Self-awareness. Which means that if someone says, “Look, he’s turning red,” I’m going to turn bright red. Blushing is embarrassing; embarrassment causes blushing. It’s a nasty cycle.

Other things that make me turn red:

  • Exertion
  • Exposure to sun
  • A rise in emotion
  • Shame (both present and past)
  • Sexual interest or arousal
  • Anger
  • Embarrassment

And I could go on and on. As I said, the biggest problem is when others try to read my red face and determine what caused it. “I can tell when Tim is upset.” Baloney. All you know is that my face is red. Maybe I’m remembering a mistake I made in the past; you have no way of knowing.

“You must have been really mad. Your face was red.” Uh, no… maybe I was feeling bad for how bad you were going to look when I pointed out your mistake.

So here’s my tips for dealing with people who turn red

  • Try to graciously overlook their redness.
  • Do NOT ascribe motives to someone’s blushing. (Unless you’re playing poker; maybe it’s a good tell!)
  • Recognize that it’s something absolutely beyond their control.

Thanks!

One thought on “All red in the face

  1. Rafael Sustaita

    What a wonderful observation. I think your note is more than just about blushing but rather a lot of about people drawing conclusions or making judgments about what they see and maybe even hear. I think it is important to note that so much of what we believe, make judgments about or choose to hear or not hear is based on our experience. A good think to remember is that “not everything we see, read or hear is what we may think it is.” Again, thanks for your note.

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