Category Archives: Marriage

Commitment and covenant in marriage

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marriage licenseIn this series on affirmations about marriage, the sixth affirmation is:

Living together without marriage is outside of God’s plan.

Here we have an area where society has definitely changed. Marriage has become optional for many. It’s something to be done “somewhere down the road” or not at all. Many feel that the commitments that come with marriage actually stifle true love.

To the surprise of some, the Bible says little about how you get married. For Adam and Eve, it was a natural consequence of them being the only two people around. For Isaac, it was a matter of taking Rebekah into his mother’s tent. Over time, the Jews developed a series of traditions around marriage; weddings were a community event, with the celebration going on for days.

Here’s what all weddings had in common: the man and the woman presented themselves as not being married before it happened and as being married afterward. There was a spoken or unspoken statement of permanence and commitment. Society recognized the change in status from single to married.

What’s lacking in cohabitation without marriage is not the ceremony nor the license. It’s the commitment. It’s the statement to each other, to God, and to the world in general that a man and a woman will be together until death.

I believe that a couple should obey local customs and local laws when getting married. There should be no doubt in anyone’s mind that this woman and this man have pledged to be together for the rest of their lives, that they have decided to let God make one inseparable being out of the two. They are to make a covenant, with God as chief witness. Living together doesn’t meet up to this standard.

Affirmation #6: Living together without marriage is outside of God’s plan.

Photo from MorgueFile.com

Separating church from state in marriage

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statue of justiceLast week I listed which I had given in a sermon. Since then, I’ve been taking a look at each affirmation, one by one. We’re up to the fifth:

Christian marriage and civil marriage are not the same

This is a concept that I’ve discussed before. I’ve also discussed what it would be like if the church had more control over divorce.

I just think we need to keep in mind that just because the government determines that a marriage has begun or ended, that doesn’t mean that the church has to agree. We don’t depend on judges and politicians to define for us what is and what isn’t marriage.

As I stated last week:

Christian marriage and civil marriage are not the same. They often occur at the same time in this country, but they aren’t the same. That’s why the government doesn’t involve the church in divorces. Much of the political wrangling about marriage has to do with property rights, not spiritual realities. No judge can tell the church what is and what isn’t marriage.

Personally, I’d love to see us use a system that is in place in many countries around the world, where the civil ceremony and the religious ceremony are completely separate one from the other. Until then, it’s just a matter of us remembering this affirmation.

Affirmation #5: Christian marriage and civil marriage are not the same

photo courtesy of Morgue File

Covenants and vows

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wedding rings and bibleI’m taking some time to flesh out some affirmations about marriage that I made in a sermon last week. We’re up to the fourth affirmation:
Marriage is a covenant, with God as witness.

Covenants are not part of our everyday experience here in the West. We know contracts. We don’t know covenants very well. In the same way, we’re not nearly as familiar with vows as we are promises. Marriage, being an ancient institution, takes us back to ways of thinking that are very old. We shouldn’t be surprised, then, if marriage can seem a bit “old fashioned,” for it is.

We need to remember that there are two kinds of covenants in the Bible. One is the covenant imposed by a superior party on an inferior party, what is often known as the “suzerain covenant.” This was common in the Ancient Near East as a conquering king would bestow favor on a weaker ruler in exchange for loyalty and service. There are many parallels between this type of covenant and the Mosaic covenant we find in the Law.

Another covenant is that between two human parties, like the covenant between Jonathan and David (1 Samuel 18:3–4). Such a covenant is no less binding (note David’s care for Mephibosheth in 2 Samuel), but it is a covenant between equals. The marriage covenant is more like this, though God at times compares his relationship with Israel to a marriage.

What needs to be seen is that this is a binding agreement, entered into with vows of loyalty. As such, it is a serious thing, much more serious than how much of the world views marriage. [When I was in high school, a teacher mentioned to us some modern wedding vows that she had heard: “I promise to love you until our love dies.” I told my teacher that sounded like: “I promise to stay here until I leave.” (And no, she didn’t appreciate the comment) Such promises are not vows.]

When we think of weddings, we think of fancy clothes, flowers, music, and a reception. Much attention goes into the choice of place and participants. Little thought goes into the reality of the vows being taken.a

We stand before God and state our intention to form a union that will only be broken by death. I’m not denying the reality of divorce, but I am saying that we vow before God to live together for the rest of our lives. Breaking those vows is a serious thing.

When I talk about such with couples, I often read Ecclesiastes 5:

“Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few. As a dream comes when there are many cares, so the speech of a fool when there are many words. When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it.” (Ecclesiastes 5:2–5)

God expects us to fulfill vows. Marriage is a solemn covenant. God is our witness. “It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it.”

Affirmation #4: Marriage is a covenant, with God as witness.

Photo by Daniel Manolache

Marriage is more than a piece of paper

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wedding ringI’m offering some in depth explanation of 10 affirmations about marriage that I posted the other day. Today I want to look at the third affirmation: Marriage is a spiritual act.

As we noted yesterday, marriage is common across cultures. It can seem to be a very human institution. But the Bible affirms, as we said, that God created marriage. More than that, the Bible says that God is involved every time a man and woman join their lives.

This is another part of what Jesus said in Matthew 19:

““Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”” (Matthew 19:4–6)

Jesus says that it is God who joins the two people. Malachi 2 says something similar. When two people come together in marriage, God is present. God is at work.

That’s why I react strongly when people say, “We don’t need a piece of paper to prove our love.” It’s not about a piece of paper. Just as baptism isn’t just “the removal of dirt from the body,” so a marriage is much more than a ceremony or license. A man and a woman come into the ceremony as two distinct individuals and come out as one being, joined by God.

As Jesus said, what God has joined together, let man not separate.

Affirmation #3: Marriage is a spiritual act.

Photo courtesy of Morgue File

Marriage is more than a human institution

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weddingEarlier this week, I mentioned some of the affirmations about marriage that I presented in a sermon on Sunday. I started examining those affirmations yesterday, starting with the first one, the fact that God created humans to be male and female.

The second affirmation is God created marriage.

This probably doesn’t seem like a particularly significant statement. Yet many people around the world would disagree with it. Marriage exists in virtually every culture around the world. From a scientific point of view, it would be hard to argue with the idea that marriage is a human convention.

Yet Jesus looks back to Adam and Eve as the first marriage. God saw Adam alone and provided what he needed: a wife. In Genesis 2, it goes on to say,
“The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:23–24)

The biblical text sees the creation of Eve as the creation of marriage. In Matthew 19, Jesus emphasizes that connection:

“Jesús les contestó: —¿No han leído ustedes en la Escritura que el que los creó en el principio, ‘hombre y mujer los creó’? Y dijo: ‘Por eso, el hombre dejará a su padre y a su madre para unirse a su esposa, y los dos serán como una sola persona.’ Así que ya no son dos, sino uno solo. De modo que el hombre no debe separar lo que Dios ha unido.” (Mateo 19:4–6)

So as we talk about marriage, it’s interesting to see how different cultures and different societies deal with marriage, both in the rituals that establish a marriage and the customs that surround the relationship itself. But we must never think that those trappings define what marriage is. Marriage was created by God and will be what he says it is.

Affirmation #2: God created marriage.

Photo courtesy of Morgue File