I forget at times. I rack my brain trying to come up with solutions for everyone’s problems. I struggle to find the insightful words that will inspire or console or meet whatever need they have. I seek to be the perfect counsellor. And I forget the secret I learned a long time ago:
Most people just want to be listened to.
Most people don’t expect you to solve in 5 minutes the problem they’ve been wrestling with for weeks. Most people know, instinctively, that no human being can really fix their problems. But they need to talk about them. Get them out in the open. Analyze them.
Sure, sometimes they want advice. And every once in a great while, the advice I have to offer is actually worth something.
But they’re always glad that someone listened to them. And they won’t feel that way if I spend too much time talking. They need to talk.
And they need to be listened to.
{Photo by Sophie, sxc.hu}
And we might even agree more, if we listened more :)
Much of my MA degree in counseling was focused on learning how to listen and then developing listening skills / techniques.
I remember Swindoll writing about an ad in an Atlanta (I think) newspaper that this person would listen, without interruption, for $$ per minute and was swamped with calls.
Good observation. It seems obvious, but we want so badly to jump in and be problem solvers. It’s the trap Job’s friends eventually fall into. The world can always use more listeners.
Your posts are helpful and practical. I’m going to link your site on my blog. Thanks. WB