It’s Friday, and no one is in the mood for anything serious. So we’re bar hopping again in The Kitchen:

• A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”
• Bacon and Eggs walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”
• E-flat walks into a bar, The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve minors.”
• A five-dollar bill walks into a bar.The bartender says, “Sorry, this is a singles bar.”
• Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.
• Thomas Edison walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “Okay, I’ll serve you a beer, just don’t get any ideas.”
• A dyslexic man walked into a bra.
• A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We have a drink here named after you.” The grasshopper says, “You have a drink named Bob?”
• A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”
• Two guys walked into a bar. The third one ducked.
• A million guys walk in to a Silicon Valley bar. None of them buy anything. The bar is declared a rousing success.
• “We don’t allow faster than light neutrinos in here,” the bartender said. A neutrino walks into a bar.
• Descartes walks into a bar, and the bartender asks “Would you like a beer?” Descartes replies “I think not” and POOF! he vanishes.
• A snake slithers into a bar, and the bartender says, “I’m sorry but I can’t serve you.” “Why not?” asks the snake. The bartender says, “Because you can’t hold your liquor.”
• A rabbi, a priest, and a Lutheran minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, “Is this some kind of joke?”
• A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hamburger. After he eats he stands up stretches and pulls out a gun shooting everyone in the room but the bartender. The panda puts $20 on the bar and turns to leave. As he walks out the door the bartender asks why the panda shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia. The bartender looks up panda and he reads “Panda: Large black and white mammal native to China. Eats shoots and leaves.”