It’s an embarrassing thing to have to admit, but sometimes I lose sight of something as basic as seeking God. I get caught up in church work, in doctrinal debates, in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, and I forget about seeking God.
A few years ago, I interviewed for a ministerial position, one that I really wanted. [And no, the church wasn’t large and the money wasn’t good. My motives were others.] I prayed fervently. I could remember nothing in the last 10 years that I had wanted so desperately. It came down to where I almost got the job, but didn’t get it. I was crushed.
In my disappointment, I began to wrestle with the meaning of this verse: “Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalms 37:4) Why wasn’t I getting this fervent desire of my heart? After a time, it came to me: the second half of that verse is dependent on the first half. I had to make God my greatest delight, make him the greatest desire of my heart, for him to be able to give me the desires of my heart. Once he is in the top spot, once he is the most fervent desire that I have, other desires fall into place. Some become, well, undesirable. Others are replaced by something even better. And many of them become reality.
A few years ago, when writing to someone close to me who was contemplating leaving his family, I wrote the following:
I think the priority for your life right now has to be seek God, to hunger and thirst for Him “as the deer pants for the water.” Half-hearted Christianity is a miserable experience, where you get all the “THOU SHALT NOTs” and none of the blessings. You get the guilt without the forgiveness, the suffering without the comfort, the responsibilities without the blessings. And the more we focus on just trying to get the forgiveness and the comfort and the blessings, the more we get the other stuff. Because our focus has to be on getting God, not on getting what He can give us.
And I agree with myself. :-) At this point in my life, I need that reminder: it’s time to seek God, with all my heart.
wow! i am so pleased to of came across your post. i go through the same struggle. i try to squeeze God into my life, when I am actually suppose to be squeezing everything else in my life after putting Him first! I also learned today that if you do not have a romantic relationship with Jesus… that He will leave you until you repent! so now I am trying to have that intimacy with Jesus! I pray that your walk with The Lord will be blessed and that you will be sensitive to the Holy Spirit!
-Elyse
Wow. What a great word to hear at this very moment. Thanks, Tim!