I’ve long felt that the best preaching I do is done when I speak to needs that I have. When I try to guess what other people need, I don’t often do well. But when I tell others how God has spoken to me through his word, it’s common that other people feel the same need that I do.
As I work on seeking God, I’m rereading a rather long letter I wrote to this friend who was contemplating leaving his family. Since he was trying to justify it biblically, he wanted to enter into a debate on some texts. Instead, I tried to turn the focus to seeking God. Here are the steps I recommended to him:
(1) You have to want to get closer and closer to God. You feel the need for a relationship in your life. You need God. It’s a void that only He can fill. When He’s not there, we try to fill that void with other things and none of them do it fully. So, let me suggest that you make getting closer to God THE goal right now, not just a goal.
(2) People know that they need to read, but most of us aren’t at the point where we can even hear the voice of God when we read the Bible. What can you do when you feel like that? Back up a step and pray. Pray about that. Something like, “God, I want to seek you and don’t know how. I need your help. I want to learn to hear your voice, to feel your presence and to truly live a relationship with you.” Tell him about your anger, your feelings, your frustrations. Tell him everything. Accuse him, criticize him, shout at him. Don’t feel one thing in your heart and pray another thing with your lips. Include confession, ask for forgiveness for those feelings, but don’t hide them from Him. (Remember that there is a mix of relationships in prayer: child-parent, servant-master, subject-king, creature-creator, friend-friend) Then stop and listen. Listen. Quietly. You may not “hear him” at first. You may not feel any closer to him for having prayed like that. That’s normal. Relationships take time.
(3) I’d suggest for now that you focus on the Psalms. Try and explore the range of feelings that are expressed there. Remember, you’re trying to learn to feel God, to experience Him. This goes beyond intellectual knowledge. You need Him in your heart, and you need Him there desperately. Look at the things that men went through: the times of waiting expectantly, the times of feeling like God had abandoned them, the times of triumphant joy, the times of heartfelt repentance. Look at all those emotions and try to experience them.
(4) Take all of those emotions and apply them to your prayer life. When you begin to feel that you can “pray yourself into the presence of God,” then you are ready to open His word and seek His will for your life. Until then, it’s merely intellectual speculation. When you are ready to go to God and accept ANYTHING He has to say to you, then you are ready to listen to His voice. Until doing what He wants becomes THE most important thing in your life, serious Bible study will do you no good.
Anyway, those are some suggested first steps. For most of us, it is extremely difficult to realize any real changes in our lives until we get to the heart of the matter. If we can change our hearts, our behavior will be what it should be, our emotions will flow as they should, our goals will have the correct focus, etc. If we start with those “outer” things without connecting our hearts to God, we are trying to do what is almost impossible.

Looking back, I wonder why I haven’t done a better job of taking my own advice! I get so rational in my Christianity that I often forget the emotional side, the spiritual side. What corrections would you make in the advice I gave my friend? [Edit: Advice about seeking God] What would you add?