The church needs to send a resounding message to our communities: God loves divorced people.
That message needs to be accompanied by an equally strong message: God hates divorce.
It’s really hard to communicate either message without weakening the other. It’s a delicate balance, but one we have to find. We have to be able to tell people that have gone through a divorce that life has not ended, that God has not given up on them, that they are still valuable and important in our church communities.
At the same time, we need to let our young people know that divorce is an extreme measure, one to be taken only when all other avenues have been explored, all other remedies have proven insufficient.
So how do we do that? How do we denounce divorce without villanizing those who have suffered the trauma of divorce? How do we keep our children from considering divorce as an option without making divorced people feel like second class citizens?
Part of my concern about this comes from something that happened over 10 years ago. I was teaching the high school class at our church and asked them to think about what their lives might be like in 10 years. One very spiritual young man said, “Ten years? I’ll probably be married. I may even be divorced by then!” As I thought about it, I realized that his parents were divorced. One set of grandparents was divorced. He had at least one aunt and uncle that had divorced. To him, that was a natural part of life.
What do you suggest? What should our teaching be? How do we oppose divorce while supporting those who have been through it?