Tag Archives: family

Focusing on the family doesn’t help the church… nor the family

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The other day I read something that said, “Our churches need to realize how essential strong families are to the church.” I couldn’t help but thinking, “In this country, I think it’s the other way around.”

I won’t say that James Dobson started the family-centered trend, but his Focus on the Family ministry certainly brought families to the forefront in our churches. Now churches are focused on how to cater to families. Parenting classes. Marital workshops.

Far too often, our children grow up with a church focused around them. Children’s church so they don’t get bored. Youth ministry designed to keep them entertained. Campus ministry that isn’t designed for discipling, just a desperate effort to somehow keep our kids going to church once they leave home.

Family focus has led us to value youth sports over church attendance, family meals over pot lucks, school plays over midweek gatherings. If we find time in the midst of all of our family activities, we’ll go to church. If not, well… family is the most important, right?

Our families need to understand that they need the support of a strong church to grow as they should. If we want to build our families, let’s do so through building our churches.

Want strong families? Teach people to be like Jesus. Want good parent-child relationships? Let them bond through serving other people.

A few writers these days are speaking about the idolatry of families. I think we need to recognize that danger. Our children need to know that God is the most important in our lives. We communicate that with our words, but also with a thousand small decisions we make along the way.

Yes, there are ways of “doing church” that end up hurting the family. But healthy Christian discipleship builds families. Worshiping God together bonds a family. Christian service unifies our homes.

And let me say that I think there is a lot of good in marital workshops, parenting classes, youth ministries, and children’s church. But they can’t be pop psychology with a little Bible thrown in. They need to have a Bible focus, a God emphasis, and the goal of making these families part of a strong church.

Focusing on the church won’t always produce a perfect family. But focusing on the family above the church will almost always yield a dysfunctional faith. Which will eventually produce dysfunction in the family.

The next time I’m invited to speak about families or marriage or parenting, I’m going to go tell people that they need to be more like Jesus. That’s the focus I think families need.

Busy days

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Class at LipscombIt’s been an eventful few weeks. The last day of May, I traveled to Long Island for a campaign sponsored by Hope For Life (Herald of Truth), the ministry I work for. We arrived on Saturday. On Sunday, I received word that my mother had fallen in Abilene and broken her hip. I cut short my participation in the campaign and returned to be with her. I got her settled into a physical rehabilitation center, spending two nights with her in the hospital, then two in the rehab place.

The next week, Carolina and I left for a long-planned trip to the Holy Land. My sisters graciously came to be with my mom to allow us to make the trip. I’ll tell you more about that trip in the coming days.

We returned late one Wednesday night, then I left on Saturday to speak at a church in Morro Bay, California, the following day. That Sunday night I took a redeye back home, before leaving on Wednesday for the Summer Celebration at Lipscomb University. Hope For Life hosts a breakfast every year, so I was there for that. I also got to teach a class with Steve Ridgell, as well as doing two classes in Spanish.

So yes, I did get confused more than once as to what time zone I was in. And I’m afraid I had to push this blog to the back burner. I’ll try and do better over the next few days.

What have you been up to?

Hither and yon

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OK, so the blog has been neglected a bit. And may be neglected some more. Here’s what’s going on:

  • Last week was the campaign on Long Island for Hope For Life ministries (Herald of Truth). We had worked for quite a while organizing this campaign, motivating and training the churches to carry out an evangelistic effort. It was great to see the congregations working together in this concerted effort and to see them excited about reaching out.
  • I had to leave the campaign early. My mom fell a week ago Sunday and broke her hip. She’s now in a facility for physical rehabilitation.
  • Tomorrow, Carolina and I leave on a trip to the Holy Land. A generous, anonymous benefactor offered to pay my way, the Texas International Bible Institute (organizers of the trip) offered Carolina a partial scholarship, and we were able to use air miles and hotel points to defray the rest of the costs. There’s still some expense involved, but it will be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Special thanks to Hope For Life Ministries for letting me take the time off, to my sisters for coming to be with Mother, and to TIBI and the donor for making this possible.

I’ll definitely post some about the trip, though I’m not sure that will happen during the trip.

Building the church by building our families

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weddingOn October 7, I published ten affirmations about marriage. Since then, we’ve been looking at the ten. Here’s the last:

Our church needs strong, healthy marriages.

Some people rankle at the idea that the church needs anything. Christ built and sustains the church. Does the church really need humans?

I understand that line of reasoning. I even agree with some of the sentiment. But I also know that God expects us to do our part to see help the church grow. (Ephesians 4:16) And a bit part of that is helping our families, our marriages, be strong.

There have been cultural shifts that have damaged marriage. The sexual revolution, from birth control pills to changing moral values, was in many ways an assault on the family. Marriage became optional. Divorce became acceptable. Children were seen as a hindrance to career and freedom. Sexual identity became a sea of confusion.

Some speak of restoring traditional values. I prefer to speak of restoring godly values. The church needs to focus on the home, building marriages and strengthening families. We need to enunciate our belief that families matter, that building a home is our highest priority. We need strong, healthy marriages.

Affirmation #10: Our church needs strong, healthy marriages.

The graduate

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AndreaMy baby, Andrea, is graduating on Saturday. Should be kindergarten, but they tell me she’s finishing high school. (Cue orchestra: “Sunrise, Sunset”)

I look at the amazing, confident young woman she is today, and I try to remember how we got here. A rough start: born a month early, congenital heart murmur, jaundice. When she started school, we were baffled by what we later learned is called selective mutism; Andrea wouldn’t talk at school. Away from school, no problem. But once she passed the outer gates, silence reigned.

This is the girl who takes the lead in plays, performs in musicals and sings solos like she’s been doing it all her life.

Andrea draws people to her like moths to a flame. Even during her silent years, she was extremely popular at school. She is sweet and kind and caring, not wanting to hurt anyone’s feelings.

OK, so I’m a proud papa. I won’t go on and on. I’ll just say: congratulations, sweetie. Your mom and I have been proud of you every day of your life. We love you and look forward to seeing you continue to blossom and grow.