Tag Archives: Humor

Ogden Nash

With Brian duly chastising me for my lack of appreciation of poetry, I was reminded of my favorite poet: Ogden Nash. His was definitely a style I could appreciate. Let me share a few poems so you can see what I mean:

A Word To Husbands
To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;
Whenever you’re right, shut up.

Introspective Reflection
I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance
Were it not for making a living, which is rather a nouciance.

Crossing The Border
Senescence begins
And middle age ends
The day your descendents
Outnumber your friends.

Reflections on Ice-Breaking
Candy is dandy
But liquor is quicker.

Not all of Nash’s poems were so short, but he definitely had a knack for expressing ideas in a witty, concise way.

One more short Nash poem for the weekend:

Fleas
Adam
Had ’em.

(You can read Nash’s poems here)

Lost in Translation: Bible Edition

OK, I enjoyed last Friday’s game so much, that I decided to do it again. This time, however, we’ll limit ourselves to a limited pool of possible answers. Every answer will be a passage from the Bible.

Lost in Translation combines the old game of Telephone (or Chinese Whispers, as some call it) with modern machine translations. As the site asks, “What happens when an English phrase is translated (by computer) back and forth among five different languages?” Well, the results are often humorous.

I’ll run a few passages through the babelizer. See if you can guess the original:
(1) But, if, the HORSEMAN when serir with you you seem undesired chosen equipment then for this day that you are useful, if of i, that its ancestor beyond the servissero of the river I or Amorites, where the track alive you. But the one that interests to me and becomes for my family, he we used the HORSEMAN.
(2) Where I can go of its alcohol? Where I can conserve its presence?
(3) For him it is of the beauty, of which, of the one of faith and they are present these works trapunta, of them of God with the work that does not support to him, not to be able to praise nobody.
(4) What era, you continued being, what era, the fact is made again; the sun is not nothing of the currency of a cent nine.
(5) Plus a man it does not inform to its neighbor, or a man his Know of the brother for example the horseman, parce that me everything knows, Aid of them with major.

Have fun!

Lost in translation

It’s been a favorite site of mine for some time, maybe because I do a lot of translating. I thought I had mentioned it here before, but can’t seem to find it. If this is the second time I’m sharing this, well… forgive me, I’m getting old.

Lost in Translation combines the old game of Telephone (or Chinese Whispers, as some call it) with modern machine translations. As the site asks, “What happens when an English phrase is translated (by computer) back and forth among five different languages?” Well, the results are often humorous.

I’ll run a few sayings through the babelizer. See if you can guess the original:

  1. If somebody goes the lady, we correspond to them. If they give return, they were always with you. Don’t, never was they.
  2. It’s more simply the end to gain the decree that had shutdowns of the resources.
  3. The definition of the Verrücktheit returns to the same thing many and many signals and examines the diverse results
  4. Sufficiently in an extension of often – of me to a handspike and an end of the pressure, where the place for movements and me the world
  5. We are not something therefore of the screen of the light bulb like, than they do not see

As I work with translating on a regular basis, sites like this help to keep me humble.

A bit of biblical humor

A bit tired and slightly brain dead… I’m in the mood for some bad jokes! Here are some biblical jokes I’ve heard over the years:

Q. Where do we find a baseball game in the Bible?
A. Genesis 1:1 “In the big inning…”

Q. Where do we find a tennis game in the Bible?
A. Joseph served in Pharaoh’s court. (Although now I can’t find a verse that says that… any help?)

Q. Where do we find a football game?
A. The Israelites passed over Jordan. (Gotta go KJV on that one)

Q. Where do we find a sports car?
A. Joshua’s Triumph was heard throughout the land.

Q. How do we know the apostles drove a Honda?
A. They were of one Accord.

OK, that’s enough from me. What are some of the jokes you’ve heard?

Did you hear the one about…

Whitewater…the preacher’s daughter who was getting baptized, stuck her foot into the water and uttered an execration that could be heard all the way to the back of the auditorium?

…the preacher who found the “waders” in the baptistery to be a bit loose, so he tied them off at the waist? When he entered the water, the waders filled up with air. The man found himself floating on top of the water…

…the visiting preacher who performed a baptism, then exited the wrong side of the baptistery? The quickest way to get back to his clothes was to do a quick swim across the baptistery (dressed only in his boxers). That’s when he discovered the plexiglass on the front side of the baptistery…

A few I know to be true…

  • A friend of mine, while attending Pepperdine University, baptized someone in the Pacific. As he put the person under the water, a big wave came in. The new convert surfaced about 20 feet away…
  • Another friend told me about a man who, coming out of the water at his baptism, began to exclaim, “I feel it. I feel the Holy Spirit.” This was not “that type” of church, and everyone present was a bit embarrassed. Later, someone stuck their finger in the water and got a shock, an electric shock. Turns out there was a short in the heating unit. The minister, wearing rubber waders, didn’t get shocked and grounded the person being baptized until he released him after the baptism. That’s when the man “got the Spirit”…
  • I was baptizing a man in a swollen river in the city of Córdoba, Argentina. We were trying to find a safe place to baptize him. I pointed to one spot and asked, “What if you sit down there?” “I’ll ___ on myself from the cold water!” he replied. I decided that we would have time to teach him about profanity after his baptism…

OK, that’s a start. Does anybody have any baptism stories to share?