I’m taking some time to flesh out some affirmations about marriage that I made in a sermon last week. We’re up to the fourth affirmation:
Marriage is a covenant, with God as witness.
Covenants are not part of our everyday experience here in the West. We know contracts. We don’t know covenants very well. In the same way, we’re not nearly as familiar with vows as we are promises. Marriage, being an ancient institution, takes us back to ways of thinking that are very old. We shouldn’t be surprised, then, if marriage can seem a bit “old fashioned,” for it is.
We need to remember that there are two kinds of covenants in the Bible. One is the covenant imposed by a superior party on an inferior party, what is often known as the “suzerain covenant.” This was common in the Ancient Near East as a conquering king would bestow favor on a weaker ruler in exchange for loyalty and service. There are many parallels between this type of covenant and the Mosaic covenant we find in the Law.
Another covenant is that between two human parties, like the covenant between Jonathan and David (1 Samuel 18:3–4). Such a covenant is no less binding (note David’s care for Mephibosheth in 2 Samuel), but it is a covenant between equals. The marriage covenant is more like this, though God at times compares his relationship with Israel to a marriage.
What needs to be seen is that this is a binding agreement, entered into with vows of loyalty. As such, it is a serious thing, much more serious than how much of the world views marriage. [When I was in high school, a teacher mentioned to us some modern wedding vows that she had heard: “I promise to love you until our love dies.” I told my teacher that sounded like: “I promise to stay here until I leave.” (And no, she didn’t appreciate the comment) Such promises are not vows.]
When we think of weddings, we think of fancy clothes, flowers, music, and a reception. Much attention goes into the choice of place and participants. Little thought goes into the reality of the vows being taken.a
We stand before God and state our intention to form a union that will only be broken by death. I’m not denying the reality of divorce, but I am saying that we vow before God to live together for the rest of our lives. Breaking those vows is a serious thing.
When I talk about such with couples, I often read Ecclesiastes 5:
“Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few. As a dream comes when there are many cares, so the speech of a fool when there are many words. When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it.” (Ecclesiastes 5:2–5)
God expects us to fulfill vows. Marriage is a solemn covenant. God is our witness. “It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it.”
Affirmation #4: Marriage is a covenant, with God as witness.