Tag Archives: Marriage

Breaking marriage vows offends God

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motelMy schedule is a bit irregular these days, which distracts me from taking care of the blog. But I do want to finish my examination of the affirmations I made about marriage a couple of weeks ago. We’re up to number eight:

Failure to respect our marriage vows is an offense to God.

As I’ve said, we’ve lost the concept of what a vow really means. We stand and pledge allegiance to a flag without thinking of what it means to pledge. We take an oath in court without thinking about the God we are invoking. We take vows on our wedding day and lose sight of the seriousness of that act.

By including God in our marriage ceremony, we include him in the marriage itself. The promises made are made not only to one another, but to God. When we break those promises, we are disrespecting God.

God’s words from Malachi 2 are significant here:

“And this second thing you do. You cover the LORD’s altar with tears, with weeping and groaning because he no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. But you say, “Why does he not?” Because the LORD was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth. “For the man who hates and divorces, says the LORD, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the LORD of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.” (Malachi 2:13–16)

God is speaking directly about divorce, but notice what he says. God is a witness to the covenant made. Because of this “faithlessness” is offensive to him. Being faithless not only disrupts the relationship between man and woman, but also between the offender and God.

“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” (Hebrews 13:4)

Our 8th affirmation: Failure to respect our marriage vows is an offense to God.

Christian marriage is between a man and a woman

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bride and groomI’m looking at the affirmations I made about marriage in a sermon last week. I’m up to the seventh affirmation:

Gay marriage is not Christian marriage.

I’ve already discussed this a bit in the comment section of an earlier post. I think that Jesus shows us what marriage is in Matthew 19. There he says that in the beginning, God created two genders, and marriage occurs when those two genders come together.

Let’s be clear. The driving force behind the move to legalize gay marriage in the Western world is not about being right with God. It’s about property and civil rights. That’s one reason I think we need to clear that civil marriage and Christian marriage are not the same thing. If judges and politicians decide to amplify the definition of marriage to include homosexual unions, that doesn’t change what Christian marriage is.

Homosexual marriage existed in the first century. The Greco-Roman world knew of such unions. It’s not a modern invention. (It’s interesting that the Wikipedia article on the history of same-sex unions says: “These same-sex unions continued until Christianity became the official religion of the Roman Empire.”) Yet the Bible is consistent in excluding homosexuality from the definition of a holy life and using heterosexual terms to speak of marriage.

Our society is changing, and our laws will surely change. But none of that will change what the Bible has said.

Affirmation #7: Gay marriage is not Christian marriage.

Commitment and covenant in marriage

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marriage licenseIn this series on affirmations about marriage, the sixth affirmation is:

Living together without marriage is outside of God’s plan.

Here we have an area where society has definitely changed. Marriage has become optional for many. It’s something to be done “somewhere down the road” or not at all. Many feel that the commitments that come with marriage actually stifle true love.

To the surprise of some, the Bible says little about how you get married. For Adam and Eve, it was a natural consequence of them being the only two people around. For Isaac, it was a matter of taking Rebekah into his mother’s tent. Over time, the Jews developed a series of traditions around marriage; weddings were a community event, with the celebration going on for days.

Here’s what all weddings had in common: the man and the woman presented themselves as not being married before it happened and as being married afterward. There was a spoken or unspoken statement of permanence and commitment. Society recognized the change in status from single to married.

What’s lacking in cohabitation without marriage is not the ceremony nor the license. It’s the commitment. It’s the statement to each other, to God, and to the world in general that a man and a woman will be together until death.

I believe that a couple should obey local customs and local laws when getting married. There should be no doubt in anyone’s mind that this woman and this man have pledged to be together for the rest of their lives, that they have decided to let God make one inseparable being out of the two. They are to make a covenant, with God as chief witness. Living together doesn’t meet up to this standard.

Affirmation #6: Living together without marriage is outside of God’s plan.

Photo from MorgueFile.com

Separating church from state in marriage

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statue of justiceLast week I listed which I had given in a sermon. Since then, I’ve been taking a look at each affirmation, one by one. We’re up to the fifth:

Christian marriage and civil marriage are not the same

This is a concept that I’ve discussed before. I’ve also discussed what it would be like if the church had more control over divorce.

I just think we need to keep in mind that just because the government determines that a marriage has begun or ended, that doesn’t mean that the church has to agree. We don’t depend on judges and politicians to define for us what is and what isn’t marriage.

As I stated last week:

Christian marriage and civil marriage are not the same. They often occur at the same time in this country, but they aren’t the same. That’s why the government doesn’t involve the church in divorces. Much of the political wrangling about marriage has to do with property rights, not spiritual realities. No judge can tell the church what is and what isn’t marriage.

Personally, I’d love to see us use a system that is in place in many countries around the world, where the civil ceremony and the religious ceremony are completely separate one from the other. Until then, it’s just a matter of us remembering this affirmation.

Affirmation #5: Christian marriage and civil marriage are not the same

photo courtesy of Morgue File

Covenants and vows

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wedding rings and bibleI’m taking some time to flesh out some affirmations about marriage that I made in a sermon last week. We’re up to the fourth affirmation:
Marriage is a covenant, with God as witness.

Covenants are not part of our everyday experience here in the West. We know contracts. We don’t know covenants very well. In the same way, we’re not nearly as familiar with vows as we are promises. Marriage, being an ancient institution, takes us back to ways of thinking that are very old. We shouldn’t be surprised, then, if marriage can seem a bit “old fashioned,” for it is.

We need to remember that there are two kinds of covenants in the Bible. One is the covenant imposed by a superior party on an inferior party, what is often known as the “suzerain covenant.” This was common in the Ancient Near East as a conquering king would bestow favor on a weaker ruler in exchange for loyalty and service. There are many parallels between this type of covenant and the Mosaic covenant we find in the Law.

Another covenant is that between two human parties, like the covenant between Jonathan and David (1 Samuel 18:3–4). Such a covenant is no less binding (note David’s care for Mephibosheth in 2 Samuel), but it is a covenant between equals. The marriage covenant is more like this, though God at times compares his relationship with Israel to a marriage.

What needs to be seen is that this is a binding agreement, entered into with vows of loyalty. As such, it is a serious thing, much more serious than how much of the world views marriage. [When I was in high school, a teacher mentioned to us some modern wedding vows that she had heard: “I promise to love you until our love dies.” I told my teacher that sounded like: “I promise to stay here until I leave.” (And no, she didn’t appreciate the comment) Such promises are not vows.]

When we think of weddings, we think of fancy clothes, flowers, music, and a reception. Much attention goes into the choice of place and participants. Little thought goes into the reality of the vows being taken.a

We stand before God and state our intention to form a union that will only be broken by death. I’m not denying the reality of divorce, but I am saying that we vow before God to live together for the rest of our lives. Breaking those vows is a serious thing.

When I talk about such with couples, I often read Ecclesiastes 5:

“Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few. As a dream comes when there are many cares, so the speech of a fool when there are many words. When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it.” (Ecclesiastes 5:2–5)

God expects us to fulfill vows. Marriage is a solemn covenant. God is our witness. “It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it.”

Affirmation #4: Marriage is a covenant, with God as witness.

Photo by Daniel Manolache