Tag Archives: maturity

People pleasing

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I’m a people pleaser. Much more than I should be. I want everyone to like me. I want everyone to think well of me. Even though I consciously know that’s not possible, I still seek to have the approval of all.

Not that I think offending everyone should be a goal. Nor that insensibility toward the feelings of others is a good thing. Still, I think that too much time spent worrying about what others might think isn’t a good thing.

When differences arise at church, one of the great threats that is always presented is that people will leave. You’re going to offend people with this. People may start leaving.

I’ve come to think that, to some degree, people leaving a congregation is a natural thing. Especially in a town like Abilene, where you have dozens of churches of Christ. And I also think that congregations can be held hostage by a few who wield the threat of an exodus.

When we were in Córdoba, we ran a language institute, an annex of a large binational center. It was a prestigious institute. I’ll never forget something one of my colleagues said once. He said that when people come in complaining about their prices, he pulls out a list of inexpensive language institutes and offers it to them. And he tells them, “If the only factor you are considering is price, you would do well to consider these.”

I don’t have any specific issues in mind, nor am I planning anything controversial. I just got to wondering: how do you decide when to say, “Doggone those torpedoes, full speed ahead!” and when do you say “Unity is the most important thing”? Obviously, our goal is to please God, not to please men. However, we’re also taught to act out of love and to seek peace in the body. When do we decide that something is for the greater good, even when it steps on some people’s toes?

Any suggestions?

Photo by by Petr Kratochvil

Pet peeve

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I’ll admit it. There are certain phrases that just rub me the wrong way. I try not to show it in most cases, but I can’t help but react on the inside when I hear them.

One of those phrases is, “I’m just not getting fed.” It’s typically said in reference to what goes on at church. The person is almost always wanting to put the blame on others.

Let me clue you in to something: anyone capable of articulating that statement is capable of feeding themselves. We’ve got to get past this idea that others are responsible for our spiritual growth.

We go to assemblies looking to encourage one another, looking for ways to spur one another on to love and good works. If we go with the attitude “I wonder what I’ll get out of it today,” we probably won’t come away edified. If we go with the attitude “I wonder what I can do to encourage others today,” we’ll probably leave the assembly with a feeling of having been edified ourselves.

I’ve said that it’s like putting 3-year-olds in charge of making sure everyone gets a Christmas present. Their only concern is whether or not they get one. When everyone is sitting around waiting to see what they’re going to get, no one gets anything. When everyone is focused on what they can give, everyone will be taken care of.

As for the feeding, well, the vast majority of us are more than capable of finding ways to be fed. We don’t need to sit back and wait for others to do it.

“We have much to say about this, but it is hard to explain because you are slow to learn. In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God’s word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.” (Hebrews 5:11-14)

Photo by RaveDave

Field Guide to Church Fauna: The Scandalized Goose

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The Scandalized Goose (offendiati sempre) is sometimes nicknamed “the professional weaker brother.” His sensibilities are always on his sleeve. His fragile faith continually hangs in the balance. One false move by another can drive him from the congregation and possibly from the faith entirely… or so he claims.

I would like to point out the differences between the immature Scandalized Goose and the mature one, unfortunately no mature subjects of the species have ever been found. Their development cycle exceeds their lifespan, so the Scandalized Goose never moves beyond spiritual immaturity, never moves beyond the point where his faith can be destroyed merely by another’s dress or speech.

Care must be taken that the threats and complains of the Scandalized Goose never be allowed to keep the church ecosystem from growing and progressing. They are to be treated with love and respect, but must never be allowed to coerce their brothers and sisters into appeasing their every whim. Should they resort to flight, they should be allowed to flee; they will eventually light within another flock or they will return having been transformed into a mature, swanlike creature.

They are best domesticated with a firm, caring hand.

What we think we know that we believe

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Photo by Ove Tøpfer; from Stock Xchange

A few thoughts about what we believe:

  1. There is something that we believe which we are in error about. Something that we are fairly convinced of. We’re pretty sure that we’re right, but we’re wrong. No, I don’t know what it is. If I did, I wouldn’t believe it anymore, would I? :-)
  2. There is something that we are right about that godly, sincere men disagree with us on. It’s not because they don’t believe the Bible. It’s not because they are willfully disobeying God. Despite their sincerity and their piety, they are in error. Like us on #1.
  3. Neither of the above statements means that there is no absolute truth. It merely means that we humans aren’t capable of perfection, even in our belief systems.
  4. If we are really studying and growing, there will be something that we now believe that we will no longer hold to ten years from now. If we don’t grow in our understanding of God, His Word and His will, then I don’t see how we can be maturing spiritually.
  5. There is no entrance exam for getting into heaven.

All of this calls for large doses of humility, to be administered on a frequent basis. And if you’re like me, you probably need a double dose. I know I do.

Always learning and…

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While I was in Argentina, someone asked me what my college major had been. When I told them it had been Bible, they said, “How can you major in just one book?” I explained that it wasn’t really about one book, that we had studied many things concerning the Bible and what the Bible teaches.

I’ve come to realize that it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to major in just the Bible. After more than 30 years studying the Bible, it’s amazing to me how many things I haven’t understood before. Not just the small, obscure things. The big “duh” elements that seem so critical to understanding once I see them. Take, for example, what I wrote a while back about the promise made to Abraham. That’s a pretty central concept that I just hadn’t understood.

Or the fact that “organized worship” really didn’t exist before the establishment of the Passover. And that for a long period of time after that there were no weekly assemblies. Or the significance of Revelation 5. I could go on and on from there.

I anticipate spending a lifetime learning more about the Word of God. The more I study, the more I realize that I don’t know. I guess that’s part of learning to humble myself before God’s revelation, part of letting myself be mastered by God’s Word rather than seeking to master it.

Do you think that’s part of what “through a glass, darkly” means?