Tag Archives: relationships

Short-term missions, long-term relationships

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short-term-relationsAn e-mail comment reminded me of something that needs to be discussed as regards short-term missions: relationships. What happens to the contacts we make while on these trips?

First off, if your short-term mission trip doesn’t involve contact with people in the host culture, it’s really hard to consider it a mission trip. If such contact doesn’t come naturally, it needs to be planned for.

Secondly, we need to recognize cultural differences when it comes to friendships and relationships. Americans tend to be quick to make friends and often expect little of those relationships. In Argentina, for example, people were more particular about who they called friend; if someone was your friend, you would communicate with them regularly, visit them with possible, and treat them pretty much as a family member. Can you see how that would create conflict when an American would come for two weeks and make fifty “friends”?

When dealing with relationships in the church, this can be a critical issue. After many mission trips, the main church contact that some new Christians have is someone from another country. (NOTE: This is one of the BIG reasons why I do my best not to baptize when in another country; they need ties to the local church, not to me) If that contact is someone who doesn’t stay in touch with them, that doesn’t concern themselves with discipling the new Christian, the effect can be devastating.

There is an implied commitment when we go on a short-term trip. If we aren’t willing to invest in people long-term, we might do better to consider another form of ministry.

Pain, relationships, and the body of Christ

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shepherdDonald Miller certainly got Christian cyberspace going recently by writing an article about why he doesn’t find much edification in traditional worship services. This post isn’t meant to directly address his thoughts, but I have to admit that all of the conversations on this topic have certainly influenced my thinking.

What I wrote last Friday was on my mind long before Miller wrote his “confession.” I’ve thought a lot about how much hurt comes from our experiences with other church members. I’ve also considered how different things would be were I in charge. (I’ve even written a couple of posts about how I would do things)

It’s easy to say that I’d like to start a new church that will “do things right.” Or choose to withdraw from the gathered body all together, focusing on my relationship with God outside the confines of organized religion.

So here are some tempering thoughts, presented in no particular order:

  • Most people can tell stories of hurt from their own families. There are cases of abuse, as there are in churches. Such things leave scars on anyone and everyone involved. And there are the normal stresses and strains of human relationships. How much hurt you carry away from those things often says more about your personality than the events themselves.
  • Every human organization will produce stories of pain. School, sports, work, military service, dating… each one of those endeavors have their detractors, people whose memories are more focused on the hurt than the gain. Some of those are justified; others not so much.
  • In general, the strongest and healthiest people in society are those that have learned to reclaim the good things from past relationships and overcome the bad.
  • Where church is involved, we need a larger perspective. That is, we need to trust more in the church’s wisdom than our own. Here I mean “church” on a grand scale, the body of Christ through the ages and around the world. I have things to offer, things that will hopefully improve the church where I am. But when I start thinking that everyone but me has it wrong, I’m headed down a bad path.
  • If I’m a mature Christian, church members will need me more than I need them. It’s hard to phrase that well. What I mean is, I should expect to do more giving than receiving. Think about a family. Parents expect to have more responsibility, to do more work, to put up with more unpleasantness. It comes with the job. Parenting gives lots of rewards, but in a different way. Especially when children are small, parents do more giving than receiving. That’s how the church works. When someone has been a Christian for a while complains about “not getting fed,” I’ll confess to having little patience for that. If an adult can’t feed themselves, something is wrong. If a mature Christian comes to church merely for what they can get out of the service, something is wrong as well.
    It’s a bit like group health insurance plans. Younger, healthier people receive less care for their money than the older, feebler ones do. But any plan that only involves one group or the other won’t function very well.

Those are a few thoughts. I’d like to hear your thoughts as well as reactions to what I’ve said.

B&B Friday: Books that have impacted my life

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booksRather than review a book or a blog this week, I want to write about some of the books that impacted my life. Most of them are several decades old, but here goes…

• He Loves Forever by Tom Olbricht. OK, it wasn’t just this book; it was also the fact that I had Dr. Olbricht in class at that time. He taught me to let the Bible itself define which subjects are most important. That may sound obvious, but it was a concept that had a major effect on my understanding of the Bible.

• How To Read The Bible For All Its Worth by Douglas Stuart and Gordon Fee. Again, a book that taught me about how to interpret the Bible. The idea of discerning the different genres within Scripture had a major impact on how I read the Bible.

• Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster. I received this as a gift from the first couple for whom I performed a wedding ceremony. I didn’t grow up studying spiritual disciplines like fasting, meditation, etc. Foster’s book opened my eyes to these practices. The chapter on simplicity was also important in my development.

• Language Acquisition Made Practical by Thomas and Elizabeth Brewster. This book not only discussed non-traditional language learning but also introduced the concept of bonding to me. This had a major role in helping me decide to skip going to a language school before going to Argentina. I’ve never regretted that decision.

• Friendship Factor by Alan Loy McGinnis. While I’m still basically a shy person, this book came along at a time when I was learning to interact with others more effectively. It’s a book I read several times during my college years.

These are by no means all of the books that influenced my development over the years. But I think they are books that have had a place of significance in leading me to where I am today.

Feel free to share some of the books that have impacted you.