Tag Archives: vows

Covenants and vows

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wedding rings and bibleI’m taking some time to flesh out some affirmations about marriage that I made in a sermon last week. We’re up to the fourth affirmation:
Marriage is a covenant, with God as witness.

Covenants are not part of our everyday experience here in the West. We know contracts. We don’t know covenants very well. In the same way, we’re not nearly as familiar with vows as we are promises. Marriage, being an ancient institution, takes us back to ways of thinking that are very old. We shouldn’t be surprised, then, if marriage can seem a bit “old fashioned,” for it is.

We need to remember that there are two kinds of covenants in the Bible. One is the covenant imposed by a superior party on an inferior party, what is often known as the “suzerain covenant.” This was common in the Ancient Near East as a conquering king would bestow favor on a weaker ruler in exchange for loyalty and service. There are many parallels between this type of covenant and the Mosaic covenant we find in the Law.

Another covenant is that between two human parties, like the covenant between Jonathan and David (1 Samuel 18:3–4). Such a covenant is no less binding (note David’s care for Mephibosheth in 2 Samuel), but it is a covenant between equals. The marriage covenant is more like this, though God at times compares his relationship with Israel to a marriage.

What needs to be seen is that this is a binding agreement, entered into with vows of loyalty. As such, it is a serious thing, much more serious than how much of the world views marriage. [When I was in high school, a teacher mentioned to us some modern wedding vows that she had heard: “I promise to love you until our love dies.” I told my teacher that sounded like: “I promise to stay here until I leave.” (And no, she didn’t appreciate the comment) Such promises are not vows.]

When we think of weddings, we think of fancy clothes, flowers, music, and a reception. Much attention goes into the choice of place and participants. Little thought goes into the reality of the vows being taken.a

We stand before God and state our intention to form a union that will only be broken by death. I’m not denying the reality of divorce, but I am saying that we vow before God to live together for the rest of our lives. Breaking those vows is a serious thing.

When I talk about such with couples, I often read Ecclesiastes 5:

“Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few. As a dream comes when there are many cares, so the speech of a fool when there are many words. When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it.” (Ecclesiastes 5:2–5)

God expects us to fulfill vows. Marriage is a solemn covenant. God is our witness. “It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it.”

Affirmation #4: Marriage is a covenant, with God as witness.

Photo by Daniel Manolache

Who took the vow out of our wedding vows?

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A few years ago, I “discovered” a passage that to my mind has loads to say concerning marriage. Here’s the passage:
“Guard your steps when you go to the house of God. To draw near to listen is better than to offer the sacrifice of fools, for they do not know that they are doing evil. Be not rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God, for God is in heaven and you are on earth. Therefore let your words be few. For a dream comes with much business, and a fool’s voice with many words. When you vow a vow to God, do not delay paying it, for he has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you vow. It is better that you should not vow than that you should vow and not pay. Let not your mouth lead you into sin, and do not say before the messenger that it was a mistake. Why should God be angry at your voice and destroy the work of your hands? For when dreams increase and words grow many, there is vanity; but God is the one you must fear.” (Ecclesiastes 5:1-7)
I realized that we talk about vows during a wedding ceremony, but nobody really thinks about what that means. We are standing before God and taking an oath. The writer of Ecclesiastes warns us to be slow to make a vow because you can’t take it back saying “It was a mistake.” According to the author, it’s about fearing God. And that’s what I think we’ve lost in our weddings. We think about cake and flowers and candles and dresses, but we don’t stop and think about the fact that we are making a solemn pledge in the presence of God.
In the Old Testament, when a man offered a vow, he offered a sacrifice. The meat from that sacrifice had to be eaten quickly, and that meant that he would have to include others in the sacrificial meal. That effectively made his vow public. His relatives and neighbors would know of the pledge he had made to God. That’s what we are doing in a wedding. (does that make it biblical to have a cookout at our weddings?) We are calling people to be witnesses. All those present are to help the vow makers remember the pledge they have made. It’s not just a social happening; it’s a deeply religious moment.
“Because the LORD was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth.” (Malachi 2:14-15)
We have our friends and relatives present, but there is a far more important witness among us when these vows are exchanged. And he expects them to be kept.