I should comment one other thing about this past Sunday’s bilingual service, something more personal. This combined service led me to wrestle with one of the monsters in my life: my ego, my desire for recognition. As we prepared for having a bilingual service in the main auditorium, I was very anxious to see things go well. Besides my usual desire to see the Sunday assembly be a time of edification, I also wanted the service to be something that people would be willing to do again soon. I wanted the service to go smoothly so that the congregation would be interested in holding more combined services. Those are desires that I feel good about.
But there was something else at work, there is something at work in me. I want people to notice me. I want them to applaud and praise me. I want them to say, “Wow, Tim’s a good preacher. My, Tim really does a good job with bilingual preaching. Goodness, isn’t he talented.” Pat me on the back, throw flowers at my feet, break out the ticker tape parade. Even at church tonight (Wednesday), I had an ear out for people that wanted to compliment me on what had been done on Sunday. [I even dreamed of some people saying, “Tim should preach for us every Sunday.”]
That’s the monster I wrestle with, the human pride that wants to run my life. I’m reminded of a story I heard of a church where one member said to the preacher, “That was a fine sermon,” and the preacher responded, “I know.” The member didn’t know what to say, until the preacher added, “The devil has been whispering that in my ear all morning.” When someone does something well in ministry, Satan is there to inflate his pride, feed his ego, and turn something good into something harmful.
If that desire, the need to feed my ego, ever controls my ministry, I pray that God will hinder what I do and deny me the success my ego craves. I don’t want the praise of men; I want God’s praise. My constant prayer is that God will speak to his people through me and that all the glory will be his not mine. The monster is always there, hoping to consume me, but God is able to deliver me from my own ego. “Not to us, O LORD, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness.” (Psalms 115:1)
wow, you really stink, tim.
(just trying to help)
Thanks Brian. :-)
Oooh, that’s a big one for me too. I want ALL the ladies of the congregation to hear about my great class on Wednesday nights and start attending. I want all the praise heaped on when I’ve planned an activity or program that goes well. Sometimes I have to do things in secret and then fight the temptation to tell everybody that it was me that did it. God humbles me every now and then, thankfully, but it’s a constant struggle within, for me too.
A read a book years ago that talked about the “drum major instinct.” Googling that phrase, I discovered that Martin Luther King had used that image. I think a lot of us have that drive.
Grace and peace,
Tim Archer
Tim, you need to read my blog more :) I don’t write for praise, but if I did I tell you now I am falling way short :)
Hey, Laymond, I read your blog. I get the RSS feed.
I was only talking about the latest,” the evil within” :) not saying you are evil for being prideful.
Tim, thanks for your transparency here. Though I already think highly of you, I recognize that in being so honest you have a humble spirit about you that is reflective of our Master.
Thanks John.