As I’ve been doing the last few Fridays, I want to share another joke from the Archer treasury of bad puns:

The piano tuner
and the persnickety pianist

There once was a town known for its music, a little town called Musika. It was filled with orchestras and bands, piano studios and bagpipe halls. Everyone loved music. Almost everyone played music. Almost everyone did something related to music.

Auber couldn’t sing. He couldn’t play an instrument. But he was the best piano tuner in the land. Nobody knew how he did it, but Auber could tune a piano with nothing but a rusty pair of needle-nosed pliers. He didn’t even use a tuning fork. And when Auber finished, the piano was perfectly tuned. Every time.

Although he had no children, Auber drove around in a van that proudly proclaimed: “Noggity & Sons, Piano Tuners.” He thought the “& Sons” part added an air of distinction.

Nigel was a concert pianist. A world-famous concert pianist. As part of his tour of Europe, he stopped in the town of Musika to give a concert in their renowned concert hall. (which, by the way, was the largest building in town) As was his custom, he shipped in his own Steinway piano. And he had the townspeople call in the finest piano tuner to tune his piano. This, of course, was Auber.

Auber came in and worked his magic. Soon the Steinway sounded as never before, and Auber left in his “Noggity & Sons” van.

But Nigel wasn’t the kind to admit that someone else could do anything right. (When you look up “persnickety” in the dictionary, there’s a picture of Nigel) He sat down, played a few chords, and summoned the manager of the hall. “Bring back that incompetent piano tuner immediately,” he sneered. “He has bungled the acoustics and mangled the harmonics.” (Besides being persnickety, he was also pretentious, trying to use big words to impress people)

The manager turned white. He stuttered and stammered, and finally blurted out: “But sir!…”

“Auber Noggity only tunes once!”