A few years ago, I “discovered” a passage that to my mind has loads to say concerning marriage. Here’s the passage:
“Guard your steps when you go to the house of God. To draw near to listen is better than to offer the sacrifice of fools, for they do not know that they are doing evil. Be not rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God, for God is in heaven and you are on earth. Therefore let your words be few. For a dream comes with much business, and a fool’s voice with many words. When you vow a vow to God, do not delay paying it, for he has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you vow. It is better that you should not vow than that you should vow and not pay. Let not your mouth lead you into sin, and do not say before the messenger that it was a mistake. Why should God be angry at your voice and destroy the work of your hands? For when dreams increase and words grow many, there is vanity; but God is the one you must fear.” (Ecclesiastes 5:1-7)
I realized that we talk about vows during a wedding ceremony, but nobody really thinks about what that means. We are standing before God and taking an oath. The writer of Ecclesiastes warns us to be slow to make a vow because you can’t take it back saying “It was a mistake.” According to the author, it’s about fearing God. And that’s what I think we’ve lost in our weddings. We think about cake and flowers and candles and dresses, but we don’t stop and think about the fact that we are making a solemn pledge in the presence of God.
In the Old Testament, when a man offered a vow, he offered a sacrifice. The meat from that sacrifice had to be eaten quickly, and that meant that he would have to include others in the sacrificial meal. That effectively made his vow public. His relatives and neighbors would know of the pledge he had made to God. That’s what we are doing in a wedding. (does that make it biblical to have a cookout at our weddings?) We are calling people to be witnesses. All those present are to help the vow makers remember the pledge they have made. It’s not just a social happening; it’s a deeply religious moment.
“Because the LORD was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth.” (Malachi 2:14-15)
We have our friends and relatives present, but there is a far more important witness among us when these vows are exchanged. And he expects them to be kept.